Healing from Family Alcoholism & Why I Don’t Drink Alcohol

Red Rocks of France, Massif de l'Esterel

It has been estimated that 40% of U.S. children will be exposed to parental problem drinking (PPD) at some point before age 18 (Grant, 2000). This is a serious public health concern because studies have shown that children exposed to PPD are at risk for emotional and behavioral problems, substance use, and academic difficulties (Chen and Weitzman, 2005; DeLucia et al., 2001; McGrath et al., 1999).

Experts generally agree that it can take several generations for a family to fully heal from the effects of alcoholism.

Some experts suggest that it takes at least three generations for a family to fully recover from the effects of alcoholism. This is because the impact of alcoholism can be passed down through generations, affecting the behavior, beliefs, and attitudes of family members.

However, it's important to note that every family is unique, and some families may be able to heal more quickly than others. The healing process also depends on a variety of factors, such as the severity of the alcoholism, the willingness of family members to seek help, and the availability of support and resources.

Ultimately, the healing process is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to change. With the right support and resources, families can work together to break the cycle of alcoholism and create a healthier, more positive future for themselves and their loved ones.

Alcoholism can have a profound impact on families that can last for generations.

Before we dive into how alcohol impacts families, it’s important to understand what alcohol does to the body.

Alcohol is classified as a depressant because it slows down the central nervous system (CNS) activity. While it may initially produce feelings of euphoria or relaxation, prolonged or excessive alcohol consumption can have significant negative effects on mental health. Here's how alcohol acts as a depressant and impacts mental health:

1. Neurotransmitter suppression: Alcohol affects the neurotransmitters in the brain, such as gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), which inhibits brain activity, and glutamate, which stimulates brain activity. Alcohol enhances the effects of GABA and reduces the effects of glutamate, resulting in overall CNS depression. This can lead to slowed reflexes, impaired judgment, and decreased cognitive functioning.

2. Disrupted sleep patterns: Alcohol consumption can interfere with normal sleep patterns. While it may initially make you feel drowsy and help you fall asleep faster, it disrupts the deeper stages of sleep, including REM sleep. As a result, individuals may experience poor sleep quality, increased wakefulness during the night, and fatigue the next day. Sleep disturbances can contribute to mood disorders, irritability, and worsen existing mental health conditions.

3. Depressive symptoms: Alcohol can exacerbate or trigger symptoms of depression. It affects the brain's reward system, leading to the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine, which are associated with pleasure and reward. However, prolonged alcohol use can disrupt this system, leading to decreased dopamine levels and feelings of sadness or depression. Alcohol can also impair the brain's ability to regulate emotions, increasing the risk of mood swings and negative emotional states.

4. Increased anxiety: While alcohol may temporarily reduce anxiety symptoms, it can ultimately worsen anxiety disorders. As alcohol's effects wear off, individuals may experience rebound anxiety, which can be more intense than before. Regular or excessive alcohol consumption can also disrupt the balance of neurotransmitters and contribute to long-term anxiety disorders.

5. Alcohol dependence and addiction: Continued heavy drinking can lead to alcohol dependence or addiction. These conditions have a profound impact on mental health, as individuals may experience intense cravings, loss of control over alcohol consumption, and withdrawal symptoms when attempting to quit. Alcohol addiction often coexists with other mental health disorders, such as depression or anxiety, creating a complex interplay of symptoms and challenges.

6. Impaired decision-making and risky behaviors: Alcohol impairs judgment, reasoning, and decision-making abilities. This can lead to engaging in risky behaviors that can have severe consequences for mental health. Examples include engaging in unprotected sex, driving under the influence, or getting into altercations. These behaviors can lead to traumatic experiences, emotional distress, and long-lasting psychological consequences.

Here are some ways that alcoholism can impact families for generations:

1. Behavioral patterns: Alcoholism can lead to behavioral patterns such as denial, secrecy, and avoidance, which can be passed down from generation to generation. These patterns can affect the way family members interact with each other, and can make it difficult to establish healthy relationships.

2. Trauma: Living with an alcoholic parent or spouse can be traumatic for family members, especially children. Trauma can have lasting effects on mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.

3. Codependency: Family members of alcoholics may develop codependent behaviors, such as enabling or rescuing the alcoholic from the consequences of their behavior. These behaviors can be passed down through generations, making it difficult for family members to establish healthy boundaries.

4. Genetic factors: Alcoholism has a genetic component, which means that family members of alcoholics may be more susceptible to developing an alcohol use disorder themselves.

5. Interpersonal conflicts: Alcoholism can lead to interpersonal conflicts within families, such as arguments, abuse, and neglect. These conflicts can cause emotional wounds that can be difficult to heal.

How Alcoholism Impacts Attachment Style

Alcoholism can have a significant impact on attachment styles, which refer to the patterns of behavior and emotions that individuals develop in relationships with others. Here are some ways that alcoholism can impact attachment styles:

1. Insecure attachment: Children of alcoholics may develop insecure attachment styles due to the unpredictable and chaotic environment in which they grow up. They may struggle to trust others and may have difficulty forming close relationships.

2. Codependent attachment: Family members of alcoholics may develop codependent attachment styles, which involve prioritizing the needs of others over their own. This can lead to difficulty setting boundaries and establishing healthy relationships.

3. Avoidant attachment: Family members of alcoholics may develop avoidant attachment styles, in which they distance themselves from others to avoid emotional pain or trauma. This can make it difficult to form close relationships and can lead to feelings of isolation.

4. Fearful attachment: Family members of alcoholics may develop fearful attachment styles, which involve both a desire for closeness and a fear of rejection or abandonment. This can lead to ambivalent or inconsistent behavior in relationships.

Alcoholism can have a profound impact on attachment styles, which can affect the way individuals form and maintain relationships throughout their lives. Addressing the impact of alcoholism on attachment styles is an important part of the healing process for families affected by alcoholism. Therapy and support groups can be valuable tools in helping individuals and families to heal from the impact of alcoholism and establish healthy attachment styles.

Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs) is a term used to describe individuals who grew up in families affected by alcoholism. Here are some common characteristics of ACOAs:

1. Fear of abandonment: ACOAs may have a fear of being abandoned or rejected, which can make it difficult for them to form close relationships.

2. Difficulty trusting others: ACOAs may struggle to trust others, particularly authority figures, due to their experiences growing up in an unpredictable and chaotic environment.

3. Low self-esteem: ACOAs may struggle with low self-esteem and may feel unworthy or undeserving of love and acceptance.

4. Codependent behaviors: ACOAs may develop codependent behaviors, such as taking on the role of caregiver or rescuer, to cope with the effects of alcoholism in the family.

5. Difficulty expressing emotions: ACOAs may have difficulty expressing their emotions or may suppress their emotions as a way of coping with the trauma of growing up in an alcoholic family.

6. Perfectionism: ACOAs may feel pressure to be perfect or to overachieve in order to gain approval or to compensate for feelings of inadequacy.

7. Difficulty with boundaries: ACOAs may struggle to establish healthy boundaries in relationships and may have difficulty saying no or standing up for themselves.

Overall, ACOAs may exhibit a range of behaviors and emotions as a result of growing up in an alcoholic family. These characteristics can have a significant impact on their relationships and overall well-being. Seeking help and support from therapy and support groups can be valuable in helping ACOAs to heal from the impact of alcoholism and establish healthy behaviors and relationships.

How Alcohol Damages Your Beautiful, Miraculous Body

Drinking alcohol can harm your body in many ways, both in the short-term and long-term. Here are some of the most common ways that alcohol can harm your body:

1. Liver damage: Drinking alcohol can cause liver damage, including inflammation, scarring, and even cirrhosis, which can be life-threatening.

2. Digestive issues: Alcohol can irritate the lining of the stomach and intestines, leading to nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and other digestive issues.

3. Increased risk of cancer: Drinking alcohol has been linked to an increased risk of several types of cancer, including breast, liver, colon, and throat cancer.

4. Impaired brain function: Alcohol can impair brain function, affecting memory, concentration, and judgment. Over time, heavy drinking can lead to permanent brain damage.

5. Increased risk of heart disease: Drinking alcohol can increase the risk of heart disease by raising blood pressure and increasing levels of triglycerides, a type of fat in the blood.

6. Weakened immune system: Alcohol can weaken the immune system, making it more difficult for the body to fight off infections and illnesses.

7. Dehydration: Alcohol is a diuretic, meaning it can cause the body to lose fluids and become dehydrated, which can lead to headaches, dizziness, and other symptoms.

8. Mental health issues: Drinking alcohol can worsen symptoms of depression and anxiety, and can also lead to the development of mental health disorders such as alcohol use disorder.

Why I Don’t Drink

Aside from the generational trauma in my family related to alcohol (on both paternal and maternal sides) and the obvious health issues stated above, I actually just do not enjoy it nor the hangover the next day. After living in NYC for a year, and going to “happy hours” with colleagues on a Tuesday (or any other day of the week) after teaching first graders all day long, I realized something ain’t right. Many people rely on alcohol as a social tool to connect with others. Some use alcohol as an escape from reality, a numbing tool to turn off depressed (living in the past) or anxious (worrying about the future) minds. Of course, there are some people who really enjoy alcohol as an art and know their limits and mindfully set healthy parameters for their alcohol consumption.

I choose to not drink because I do not want to rely on drinking for my emotional support or to be able to “handle” social events in a less awkward way. Most importantly, I KNOW what it does to my body and this does not align with my health and wellness life vision.

Over the years, as I’ve grown my body and mind awareness along, I’ve learned how to put my values first above social norms and stand firm in just not drinking. I don’t make it a big deal, I just say no thank you and keep talking. Most importantly, I’ve learned how to embrace and work through any social anxiety and regulate my emotions.

How to Not Drink At Social Situations

At first it can be hard to go to social functions where drinking is a norm and be the only one who doesn’t drink, but if you feel it doesn’t serve you well then stand in your power and get some seltzer water on the rocks with a lime (if you’ve got to say its a gin and tonic then hey, do what you have to do to feel comfortable lol).

It’s important to note that learning how to manage your social anxiety is important because drinking usually starts as a social thing:

1. Recognize what or who makes you uncomfortable

2. Regulate your emotions (first acknowledging what emotion is coming up, why it may have been triggered, and then choose a healthy action like breathing through it or taking space)

Number one thing I’ve done is to find my people who aren’t pressuring or asking questions to the put that it makes you give in and drink. Number two is I’ve learned how to create the fun rather than relying on the alcohol to “make” me fun.

And, if people feel uncomfortable around you because you don’t drink, well maybe it’s time to make some other friends you can hang out with who are on the same wavelength. After all, behaviors are usually about 50% reliant on your social network. So if your group of friends are drinkers and that’s what social events usually include, then you most likely will be too. Yet, if you start making some new friends who aren’t then you can slowly change this behavior, if you want to.

Choosing to Make Behavior Changes

Ultimately, it’s up to you to acknowledge the role that alcohol plays in your life and if there are any areas for improvement. An easy first step is calculating (honestly) how many drinks you consume weekly and reflect on how that makes you feel. Finding a healthy substitution, like an activity you enjoy (or want to try out) in replace of when you would normally drink is super helpful too during the process of building a new habit.

Let me know in the comments how this all resonates with you, if you have generational alcoholism in your family and how your family is healing from it. Would love to hear your perspective!